i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
