At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
