I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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