thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
