I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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