His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
