Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
