I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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