ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
