I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
