Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
