Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize