ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
