i wish my penis had a tongue
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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