we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
