Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
