Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
