I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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