PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
