I must be too annoying 4 u.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Blood and glitter go together right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
