come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize