In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
