My liver just broke up with me...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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