never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
