I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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