I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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