Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
