Your dad touched me again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
