mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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