Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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