didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
