i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your penis caused this!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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