I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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