'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
