I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
