Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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