i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
