How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
