Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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