apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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