my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
