I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
