I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His nipple licking is glorious
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