...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
