i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
