her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Please don't give away my fajitas
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
