return my video game
I am puke
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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