And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
