I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
