i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
