Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
