The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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