I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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