is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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