we have officially lost it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
