Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We had to coat check the pizza.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
