Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
