he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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