Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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