now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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