At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
