dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
