worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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