So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
