if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.