you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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