Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff