nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.