Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.