Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.