I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
