I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
