The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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