I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
