she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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